Opening Friday July 22, 2011

Captain America:  The First Avenger

Chris Evans sells his soul to Marvel for Six Films starting with this first foray into complete comic dominance of the cineplex for the next 10 years.



Casey's Take:  Y'know in 1942 "Super Serum" was basically steroids right?  If I invent a time machine I'll just send Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Sammy Sosa, and Lance Armstrong (yea I said it) to 1942, . . . .  war will be over in a month . . .

Friends with Benefits

Justin Timberlake/Mila Kunis bangs Mila Kunis/Justin Timberlake for 60 minutes and legitimately doesn't care cause he/she's Justin Timberlake/Mila Kunis.

Casey's Take:  This movie will be like every "Friends with Benefits" situation . . .good for the first 45 minutes (month 1) and then waaaaaay too much talking for 90 minutes (2 months), 10 minutes of hope and 20 minutes of shame and despair (1 week).

Final Take:  You should probably just go see Harry Potter one more time . . . 

Fast Five

Summer has Started with Ridiculousness!

FAST FIVE BABY!  $83.6mil!  A critic called it "ABSURDLY ENTERTAINING"

Fast Five:  Beautiful People, Beautiful Cars, Side Butt and all the "Arm Butter" one could ask for . . . 

Casey's Take:  One day you're gonna end up at a movie where you'd rather be behind bars or in a ditch . . . . but NOT TODAY . . . .(if that day is the day you see Fast Five) .  . .(and no other movies) . . .

The Rest of the Mess . . Opening February 4, 2011

Phew! Just finished watching Machete this lovely Saturday morning.  Definitely more entertaining than this heart tugging drivel that'll be sure to make your S.O. weep, and especially your wallet.  Um . . .I normally say enjoy but already so late in the movie watching weekend, all I can say is proceed with caution. . . .

The Other Woman

Natalie Portman is the other woman who falls in love with a married man, and deals with challenges that life inevitably brings.

Casey's Take:  Natalie Portman also takes home the prize for most stress inducing actress of 2010.  She's beautiful and talented but jeez if I dated her I think I would go crazy.  So much stress . . . 

Cold Weather

A man who lives in a boring town who works at an Ice Factory takes his goofy looking friend on a mystery . . . 

Casey's Take:  To quote a YouTube commenter . . how can something look interesting and boring at the same time?

guennbrot  . . Well Guenbrot didn't you just answer your own question?

Frankie and Alice . . . oh sorry frankie & alice.

A true story about a woman with some serious issues partying a LOT.

Casey's Take:  Damn if Halle Berry doesn't make crazy look so effen hot.  

Opening Friday February 4, 2010

What's up Movie Crew!  Sorry for the Winter Hiatus.  There really haven't been any great movies so let the crap continue.  This weekend has some glorious time wasters coming out that'll be sure to bore you to tears.  Between really big caves, really crazy roommates, and Halle Berry in yet another nominated turn as a disturbed woman from the past, this weekend will make you stay home and boot up that Expendables Blu-Ray that's still in the wrapper.

Enjoy!  . . . Or Don't really, all these movies seem relatively bad.

The Roommate

A hot girl goes to college and lands a roommate with . . . issues.  Basically Single White Female for the 'tween set.

Casey's Take:  I had a roommate that I thought was crazy once .  . .and I married her . . .zing!

Sanctum

A group of spelunkers parachute into the world's largest caves and can't get out . . . in 3D!

Casey's Take:  So James Cameron decided that if people aren't impressed with 3D jumping out of the screen he'll just video people jumping into holes . . .on the screen. .  .in 3D . . .I'm confused.

What Women Want

A Chinese remake of the popular(?) Mel Gibson Helen Hunt film of the late 90s

Casey's Take:  I know what women DON'T want. . . .This .  . .

Midway to Heaven

A college age girl brings home her boyfriend to meet her widower father and hijinks ensue. . . .not really.

Casey's Take:  Outside of the beautiful shots of Colorado, or whereever they are, that was the most uninteresting trailer I've ever posted on this site.  

Waiting For Forever

Rachel Bilson and an actor whose career ends with this movie star in a film about two kids who grow up and realize that they may not feel the same about each other as the did at 10 years old.

Casey's Take:  Yet another hipster expects a girl way out of his league to pay attention to him because he's "quirky".  Note to Hollywood . . . . quit raising expectations and get with the program.  Ladies like manly shit.

  Note to Movie Crewers . . . this doesn't even come close to covering all the crap hitting the cineplex this weekend.  Expect a Saturday update tomorrow morning. . . . . 

Enjoy the Friday Funday!

Opening Friday January 28, 2010

The Mechanic - The Transporter gets a new job fixing things instead of driving them, in this action thriller staring Jason Statham and Ben Foster.

Casey's Take:  The more Jason Statham takes blue-collar jobs and somehow turns it into a murder fest is beyond me but damn if it isn't entertaining

The Rite

"Inspired" by true events, a new priest meets a old priest who convinces the young pries that the devil exists by getting possessed by the devil.



Casey's Take:  Anthony Hopkins continues to ruin his career by giving in to the Catholic Church's desperate attempt to make religion relevant.  Pop Quiz Hotshot, why do only Catholics get possessed?  Why can't Baptists or Methodists get some of that demon love? Anyways . . . .

Opening December 17, 2010

Tron: Legacy

Disney finally catches up with Nintendo and releases the Tron Version of Super Mario Bros. 2



Casey's Take:  All the teenagers making out in the theater when you watch this film are on Ecstasy and thought they were going to a 3D Daft Punk concert . . . laugh at them . . .

Yogi Bear

Yogi and Boo-Boo embark on an adventure of epic proportions, which apparently means stealing a campsite and polluting a river.



Casey's Take:  Let the awful 3D Hanna Barbera remakes commence now that Jack Hanna and Joseph Barbera are dead. Next up.  Snagglepuss 3D:  A Night on Fire Island

How Do You Know

A group of white people deal with their problems.

Casey's Take:  All the old people making out in the theater during this movie are on Ecstasy and think their kids are gonna be at a  . .  whatchamacallit "Deaf Funk" concert until midnight so there is plenty of time left on the 36 hour Cialis countdown.

Go See SKYLINE - Opening 11.12.10

Skyline

A movie written by Casey's good friend Joshua Cordes . . . .so you better go see it!

Casey's Take;  Probably the best thing to ever happen to you . . .ever. Go See SKYLINE!