Normally only African-American movies open on Wednesday, so imagine my surprise that a Miley Cyrus movie is opening on Wednesday and the new Tyler Perry movie headlines a major Friday weekend. You're doin good Obama.
Usually this meant that the movie was opening to a limited audience and the extra few days would give the movie the monetary boost it would need to perform well. In this case the limited audience is probably pedophiles. Luckily there are some suspended priests from the Vatican who probably have a lot of free time on their knees so if you see old dudes in black robes in the theater tomorrow lemme suggest right now you should wait for the blu-ray.
The Last Song
A Man tries to reconnect with his estranged daughter through their shared love of music.
Casey's Take: Wouldn't it be fantastic if the movie was about Miley abandoning showbiz to donate her body to science getting shot into space, and serving as an example to intelligent forms of life of what NOT to do with DNA? Also, WTF is Nicholas Sparks doing shitting out movies this year? Great you're really good at writing insanely sappy stories about really really really white people . . .on the beach . . .during the summer. Branch out a bit homey.
What's goin on CMC members! Funny thing happened going to see Hot Tub Time Machine on Friday. So CMC member Lindsay and I were having a few pre Hot Tub brewski's at the 4th Street Pub and Grill. I was waiting for CMC member Vikram when this girl named Rachel approached our table and asked if we were part of the Movie Crew.
Naturally I assume Rachel heard about the awesomeness that is Casey's Movie Crew through some sort of Word of Mouth. She said she heard about the club through "Dan" to which I replied, "Dan which Dan?" She said a name I couldn't recognize, however we invited her to sit down and join us anyways. Turns out Rachel is part of the Brews Movie Crew which happened to be meeting up to watch Hot Tub Time Machine as well, at the same time and movie theater! You could imagine my semi-buzzed confusion.
Luckily, for Rachel, her friend Dan did show up, and we realized that two competing movie crews were vying for the affections of Hot Tub Time Machine. Luckily for me, Vik showed up for the movie so I didn't look like some weirdo who named a movie crew after himself just to go to movies and act like he had friends.
Furthermore the "Brew Movie Crew" met another movie crew in the audience of Hot Tub Time Machine. Wow! This Movie Crew thing has taken off! I did invite Rachel to our movie crew in the case her movie crew sucked, which I am assuming it did, so welcome to Casey's Movie Crew Rachel! We're glad to have you aboard.
Anyways, enough about my lack of a social life, on the the movies that were released last Friday. Enjoy!
How to Train Your Dragon
The son of a Viking Chief must capture a Dragon in order to be initiated into his tribe.
Casey's Take: Gosh when I told my Dad that I was trying to "Train My Dragon" to gain his acceptance he locked me out of the house for a week. And he got rid of the internet. . . . .Wet Dreamworks . . . Zing!
Waking Sleeping Beauty
A Documentary about the people and artists that brought glory back to Disney Animation
Casey's Take: So Walt Disney wanted to "Kill All the Jews" on his deathbed. A lot of Jewish animators worked for Disney and almost ruined the company in the 80s only to save it in the 90s, leave the company and start their own successful animation studios by the 2000s, prompting the Disney company to purchase said successful companies . . . . My head hurts. . .
Chloe
A suspicious woman hires a prostitute to find out if her husband is cheating on her.
Casey's Take: Looks intense and riveting. If only all conflicts in life could be solved by hiring a prostitute, throwing her (it has to be a girl everytime, a dude in the mix wouldn't work) in the mix, and letting things play out. Fantastic! "Hey everybody, our company is going out of business, so instead of fighting with the investors, we're just going to hire prostitutes for the next 2 weeks, and we're just gonna see what happens". I'm pretty confident the financial crisis could have been avoided if the Bush Administration legalized and encouraged prostitution for 30 days.
Wow! Spring has Sprung, thanks to Daylight Savings Time, the movie industry has decided to cram more movies down our throats this weekend than Tiger Woods is able to cram 1 Woods down Joclyn James' . . . .well throat I guess. Can't really get around that reference can I?
Anyhoo's I've had a few beers, have a super looong day at work tomorrow and there are too many movies to post about so heeerre we go!
Vincere
The life of Mussolini's secret wife Ida Dasler, and their son.
Casey's Take: Sorry for the trailer being in Italian, but like all movies about Italians, this movie seems to be about an angry husband and his wife yelling a lot about their kid and being waaaay too dramatic. Plus a homely Italian guy being EXTRA dramatic.
Skiing Everest
High altitude skiers climb the slopes of Mount Everest without oxygen and take on the slopes.
Casey's Take: White people bein' white people. (Sorry for the Ski School poster, there was no Skiing Everest poster readily available. However, I do love the Ski School poster from my early days trolling the comedy section of Blockbuster thinking skiing was the shit.)
Repo Men
Repo Men remove body organs from transplant patients who default on payments.
Casey's Take: I consider this a really high-concept take on the dystopian future sci-fi genre, that appears to be thoroughly entertaining. I feel like Heidi Montag will see this movie and fear for her life. Also, she's the closest thing to a real life Frankenstein . . . a hot Frankenstein but still . . . .
Greenberg
A ne'er do well (Ben Stiller) finds his soul mate in his brother's assistant.
Casey's Take: Seems like Gen-Xers will be complaining about crap well into their 50s . . . get over it guys we get it, you had no war . . jeez.
Season of the Witch
Two knights escort an accused witch to a remote abbey, where monks will perform a ritual in the hope of ending the pestilence that is ravaging the country.
Casey's Take: Read the synopsis . . . . Yea, they now call this Rape. Also Nicholas Cage rapes our eyes with yet another horrendous hairdo.
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
A girl with a Dragon Tattoo is the center of a mystery that will blow your frickin mind intrigue you.
Casey's Take: If only Jesse James stayed away from Girls with Dragon Tattoos I wouldn't have to be guilted into watching the Blind Side.
A Matter of Size
A group of borderline obese Israelis embrace their outer fatness.
Casey's Take: Looks funny and touching. . . . should be better than the other movie poster of the other "Matter of Size movie.
Exactly. . . .
IMAX Hubble 3D
Through the power of IMAX 3D . . .blah blah blah, Leo narrates some space shit.
Casey's Take: The movie looks fantastic but I can't see myself staying awake through this I just can't.
The Killing Jar
A killer traps some yokels in the Lucky Penny (a diner).
Casey's Take: Pretty disturbing. (Obviously not the Lucky Penny, but if you were to get held up in a diner in San Francisco, the Lucky Penny is probably where it would happen. IHOP and Denny's are too obvious, Grubstake is too weird, and Sparky's sucks. . . . yea I said it).
The Red Baron
The greatest German fighter pilot to ever live struggles with being better than everyone at flying and caring about WWI, the war his country started . . .
Casey's Take: This might be the only movie for the next 500 years where you can root for the Germans during a war. Seriously, go see this film cause it won't happen again.
The Bounty Hunter
A Bounty Hunter gets to chase his ex-wife and attempt to bring her to the police.
Casey's Take: If you can suffer through Gerard Butler's horrendous American accent long enough to check out Jennifer Aniston's legs you will still hate this movie.
Diary of a Wimpy Kid
The movie version of the popular books of the same name.
Casey's Take: Superbad 6 years earlier
The Runaways
The true story of the first underage all-female punk band that took the world by its balls and never let go
Casey's Take: Kristin Stewart? Dakota Fanning? R-rated film? I think you have to be under 18 to legally watch this film if you're a dude.
City Island
A touching tale of a family whose comfortable co-existence is upended by past secrets and present-day lies.
The Spring season is picking up some steam, with a pretty good mix of films hitting the plexes this week.
Take a look and hope to see you at the movies!!
Remember Me
Tyler, a rebellious young man in New York City, meets Ally, through an unusual twist of fate.
Casey's Take: So Edward from Twilight falls in love with Claire after getting into a fight with James Bond since he has to worry about the secretly gay dad from American Beauty? LOST is making NO sense this season. They promised me answerrrss!!
Mother
A seemingly disabled man is wrongfully accused of murder and his Mother does what she can to clear his name.
Casey's Take: This is from the Director of "The Host" so I'm sure it's good. Although OJ's mom is probably terribly offended.
Our Family Wedding
Two Overbearing Father's wreak havoc with their children's wedding plans
Casey's Take: A 'Brothers and Others' take on a tired genre breathes life into a plot that everyone can agree with, planning weddings suck . .
She's Out of My League
An airport security agent cannot believe his luck when a beautiful gal falls for him.
Casey's Take: Two things: a. The girl in this movie is an "8" at best, the guy could pull a "7" if he hit the gym. The whole cast averages probably a "6.5" with extra credit cause Foreman's Mom is still cute. Add it all together and you get a shitty movie. I'll admit the red-band trailer makes this movie funnier, college juniors will find this to be a defining moment of their college experience in 2013.
Stolen
A detective whose son is missing becomes obsessed with solving the 50-year-old murder of a child.
Note - Fast forward through the Italian parts . . ..
Casey's Take: I think we all can agree this movie wouldn't seem as good without Jon Hamm's chiseled jaw. Just sayin'. . . .
Green Zone
Army inspectors sniff out a huge cover-up while looking for weapons of mass destruction in Iraq
Casey's Take: Jason Bourne Umm . . .yea this is based on the true account of a Chief Warrant Officer's search for WMDs in pre/mid invasion Iraq. Someone should have told him them "WMDs" were in Hamsterdam . . .
Hello Casey's Movie Crew! Welcome to the Spring movie season. Love is in the air and just like my first romantic experience the Spring Movie season is memorable, filled with surprises, and over way too soon.
Enjoy!
Sorry for the late update everyone. Here are the movies that opened this weekend. The Oscar's just finished so congratulations to Kathryn Bigelow and The Hurt Locker. In honor of their achievement I have posted the trailer below. Please do yourself a favor and rent or purchase this movie and watch it immediately.
Below the Best Picture of 2010 are two movies which will probably get nominated for absolutely nothing.
The Hurt Locker - A bomb squad in post-invasion Iraq is involved in increasingly harrowing missions while handling the extreme stress of the nature of their missions.
Casey's Take: Well it DID win Best Picture didn't it? 'Nuff said.
Alice in Wonderland - A young woman, Alice, avoids a marriage to a man she dislikes by falling in a hole, eating mushrooms, and hanging out with perverted cat and fat bald dwarves . . . who are stupid.
Casey's Take: Tim Burton once again ruins our childhood by making a visually arresting film based on a beloved children's story and putting all of his friends in the movie.
Brooklyn's Finest - Members of the NYPD work in various capacities to stop a drug kingpin and his expanding empire.
Casey's Take: Training Day meets the Departed. Plus it's hilarious watching Wesley Snipes as Drug Kingpin when he got arrested for Tax Evasion . . . Gangsta!
